Wednesday, January 27, 2016

For the love of a princess

I want to leave
I want to travel into the hearts of the past
A place that holds the ancient archives of all the missing pieces
I want to go far away into the unknown, and only return when civilizations die
But the sea is wide, and i cannot swim over, nor have i the wings to fly.

When i walk that lonely road, after darkness falls, ill wish upon an evening star
Remember me. I will still be here, as long as you hold me in your memory
Across the sea, a pale moon rises and escapes its quiet prison
How can the moon-- the heart survive if all of its love is denied?

 I wish, i wish, i wish in vain
I wish i had my heart again
 It stays with moon, and beats with the sun, 
Let me combine it with yours so we may all be one 

 lay down your sweet and weary head
Night is falling, we've come to journeys end
Sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before
They are calling, from across the distant shore

 Forgive my envy, forgive me my strife
All i ever wanted was a mine full of diamonds,
A place where i can see your reflection 100,000 times.

Lead me to a place, guide me with your grace
Take me to dungeons deep and caverns old to find my long forgotten gold.
I used to belong to the simple days,
Before dreams collapsed and the colors broke into shades 

Let me sail far, far beyond the coral sea
To Arabian nights and down through Dublin city
Let me go near, far, and wherever you are,
 let me paint the sky with stars 

For the love of a Princess hold me in your arms forever 
For the love of a Princess never let me slip away
The battle will cease and the soldiers will fall
But never forget that you are my all,
Never forget that you are the love of a Princess



Sunday, May 17, 2015

Honesty



I'm way too attached to things ill never have.

I wish i was a mermaid. 
probably because ill never be one.

I have a huge crush on Chris Evans.
probably because ill never meet him.

I'm in love with fancy glasses of wine.
Probably because ill never drink one.

I want to move to London.
probably because i'm American.

I want to move to America.
probably because i'm British.

I wish i was black.
probably because i'm white.

I wish i had an anti gravity machine.
probably because they don't exist.



I remember


I remember when my favorite memories were with my cousins.

I remember looking up to people who only looked up to themselves.

I remember thinking i had the greatest childhood.

I remember getting yelled at and thinking i deserved it.

I remember the kitchen, i mean the place where "righteous people" gather to judge everyone else.

I remember the attempt to teach me that good from evil and the failure that followed.

I remember when everything was everyone else's fault.

I remember when i thought there was something wrong with me because i was the only person who thought something was wrong with you.

I remember when I spoke up.

I remember when you listened. oh wait. that will never happen.

I remember when no one could be quite as amazing as you, until i realized i only thought so because you did.

I remember when i finally figured it out.

I remember when the powerful people got involved.

I remember when i decided to say screw you and all of your uneducated opinions.

I remember when i decided to forget and never look back.




Narcissism

The house on the hill

4 hours south of the city,
20 miles east of the county,
and 10 minutes south of the town,
There's a house on a hill.

Possessed by broken windows and torn furniture,
Dirty bathrooms and dead spiders,
Cracks in the walls and unfinished staircases,
There's a house on a hill.

Where the water runs cool and the cooler runs warm,
Where kids have sleepless nights and dreamless faces
and care more about races then places
And then call themselves experienced

Haunted by pathetic old sheets a brutal accusations,
The house on the hill holds more than dirt it holds destruction
 dysfunction assumptions
and the people are even worse

 born and raised in the dirt the dust the rust
Their clothing is dirty and their words even dirtier,
The girls think they're pretty and the boys even prettier.
They say look at me I'm better than you.
No look at me, I'm better than you

Where intelligence goes to suffer and ambition goes to die 
The house is plagued. Racism sexism narcissism
 criticism and all the above but don't worry
 I'm better than you  

Where mothers are doctors and kids are sick anyway,
We love everybody but we still hate you anyway
Masculinity is fake and technology flakes
And you take and you take and 

You laugh in the face of those who contradict you, 
You did it to me when i stood up against you.
I gave you money I gave you respect
I gave you brilliance and resilience
but you still you stabbed me in the back

Your words mean nothing
your honesty is a lie like your loyalty and where it lies
and you deny the obvious the clock is ticking time is running out for this planet and dammit
no one cares that your a stout

Your not an organized mess your a messy organization
and this nation doesn't need your aggravation
it needs patience and innovation

and i know that you have passion,
but its as misplaced as your actions
and your overreactions
just listen to yourself cry
FREEDOM
as a man with too many guns who never shot for anything
the son of a narcissist who screams conform, CONFORM
or have your reputation deformed


Says the narcissist as he mocks intelligence and beautiful controversy
Forgive, forgive
Say the ones that won't

Heaven forbid I wear tank tops and skinny jeans
And promote quality and equality
And respect privacy
this rivalry is never going to end 

So say I'm wrong
Give me my memories
Telling me what I saw expecting me to believe you

You gave me anxiety
you spoke every word for me
you thought every thought for me
you thought you did a lot for me
but you never fought for me 


and the hate is more real then the love you say feel


4 hours south of the city,
20 miles east of the county,
and 10 minutes south of the town.

Be careful in the house on the hill,
For 15 years i was consumed by its conspiracy.
Believing everything they said against my own free will.

I confronted them about their beliefs, they told me i'd been brainwashed.
I told them to back off, they told me i cant think straight.
I told them they didn't understand the situation,
They told me i lack skill and education.

They twist the words of those who contradict them,
To adapt to their own selfish convictions.
They deny they're actions when they bring dissatisfaction's,
Because they cant handle anyone else's counteraction.

I was a part of that prison for far too long
Drowning in their whirlpool of hatred, jealousy, and control.
They tried to teach me that democracy was evil.
They tried to tell me that Obama was the devil.
They tried to create my every single path.
They lost that battle when i became a democrat.

Stay away from the House on the hill.
It reeks of pride and discrimination, sketchy religion, and political stupidity.
If i could diagnose it, i would call it Stout Syndrome,
But the Authorities did well, calling it Narcissism. 


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Yeah i like the President, Fight me Grandpa


Fear used to be about spankings and being alone at night
Then it turned into skinned knees and mosquito bites 
After that it was the flu and getting kidnapped
Next it was boys, cats, and girl fights 
Slowly it became bullies and rejection, and the thought of having to start again



When i was 3 i was afraid of spiders
When i was 5 i was scared of scooby-doo 
At 8 i was afraid of not being perfect 
At 10 i was afraid of double digit numbers
At 12 i was afraid of blood
At 15 it was losing someone close to me 
17 and I'm still afraid of spiders 


Why didn't anyone warn me about homework
Why didn't anyone warn me about boys
What were you thinking when you told me to go upstairs 
You knew i would come back down 
What about that time we all almost died
I am never ever ever going camping again


Who gave you the right to decide who i do respect and don't respect 
Who said you could choose my hair color and the words i use 
I don't need you to tell me how to dress, We don't all have to look like pioneers 
I can drink caffeine if i feel like it 
Tell me how to live my life one more time and i swear ill become a democrat 
And don't you dare disrespect my President 



I'm scared that you might see this 
I'm worried your going to disown me when i become a democrat 
I fear the day that i do something i swear i would never do, just like you 
I'm already nervous about my wedding day
This is not ending how it was supposed to
I'm still terrified of spiders

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Building Mansions In My Mind

Everything they ever said,
Everything they ever did,
Every lie they ever told,
Every promise they ever broke,
Was never going to make me give up.

They told me i was wrong
They told me i couldn't do it
They told me i wasn't smart enough
They told me to give up
They told me i couldn't do it.
Well they were wrong,
They wasted their time.
I'm building mansions in my mind.

This is the past
This is the future
This is the survivors guide on how to build an empire
This is intergalactic space
This is the holocaust
This is pain, regret, anxiety, unrealistic desires, and all of the above
This is love, respect, hope, and the fragments of a dream

I've built castles the size of Colosseum's
30,000 feet up i swear you gotta see them
I built a spaceship to reach my goals
I went straight to the moon, went to mars, went to venus

I'm not a game peace.
I'm the City that i built out of the fire they created within me.
I'm building castles in the sky.
I'm building mansions in my mind.













Sunday, February 22, 2015

The bricks that built me

Plus 2 for being born
Plus 2 for not being born in North Korea
Minus 1 for falling in the lake
Plus 2 for almost being fearless
Minus 4 for the grades
Plus 5 for the hotty from Vegas
Minus 3 for procrastination
Plus 3 for the adventures
Plus 5 for the memories
Minus 5 for taking chemistry
Plus 2 for switching to Verizon
Minus 1 for that time i swore at my cousin
Actually plus 1 for that time i swore at my cousin
Plus 7 for being a mermaid
Plus 5 for not doing drugs
Minus 5 for being addicted to oreos
Plus 6 for being an obedient child
Minus 10 for getting caught

11 bricks
Only 11 bricks to build my castle with