Honesty

I'm way too attached to things ill never have.

I wish i was a mermaid. 

probably because ill never be one.

I have a huge crush on Chris Evans.

probably because ill never meet him.

I'm in love with fancy glasses of wine.

Probably because ill never drink one.

I want to move to London.

probably because i'm American.

I want to move to America.

probably because i'm British.

I wish i was black.

probably because i'm white.

I wish i had an anti gravity machine.

probably because they don't exist.

I remember

I remember when my favorite memories were with my cousins.

I remember looking up to people who only looked up to themselves.

I remember thinking i had the greatest childhood.

I remember getting yelled at and thinking i deserved it.

I remember the kitchen, i mean the place where "righteous people" gather to judge everyone else.

I remember the attempt to teach me good from evil and the failure that followed.

I remember when everything was everyone else's fault.

I remember when i thought there was something wrong with me because i was the only person who thought something was wrong with you.

I remember when I spoke up.

I remember when you listened. oh wait. that will never happen.

I remember when no one could be quite as amazing as you, until i realized i only thought so because you did.

I remember when i finally figured it out.

I remember when the powerful people got involved.

I remember when i decided to say screw you and all of your uneducated opinions.

I remember when i decided to forget and never look back.

Narcissism

The house on the hill

4 hours south of the city,

20 miles east of the county,

and 10 minutes south of the town,

There's a house on a hill.

Possessed by broken windows and torn furniture,

Dirty bathrooms and dead spiders,

Cracks in the walls and unfinished staircases,

There's a house on a hill.

Where the water runs cool and the cooler runs warm,

Where kids have sleepless nights and dreamless faces
and care more about races then places
And then call themselves experienced

Haunted by pathetic old sheets a brutal accusations,

The house on the hill holds more than dirt it holds destruction
 dysfunction assumptions
and the people are even worse

 born and raised in the dirt the dust the rust

Their clothing is dirty and their words even dirtier,

The girls think they're pretty and the boys even prettier.

They say look at me I'm better than you.
No look at me, I'm better than you

Where intelligence goes to suffer and ambition goes to die 

The house is plagued. Racism sexism narcissism
 criticism and all the above but don't worry
 I'm better than you  

Where mothers are doctors and kids are sick anyway,
We love everybody but we still hate you anyway
Masculinity is fake and technology flakes
And you take and you take and 

You laugh in the face of those who contradict you, 

You did it to me when i stood up against you.

I gave you money I gave you respect
I gave you brilliance and resilience
but you still you stabbed me in the back

Your words mean nothing
your honesty is a lie like your loyalty and where it lies
and you deny the obvious the clock is ticking time is running out for this planet and dammit
no one cares that your a stout

Your not an organized mess your a messy organization
and this nation doesn't need your aggravation
it needs patience and innovation

and i know that you have passion,
but its as misplaced as your actions
and your overreactions
just listen to yourself cry
FREEDOM
as a man with too many guns who never shot for anything
the son of a narcissist who screams conform, CONFORM
or have your reputation deformed


Says the narcissist as he mocks intelligence and beautiful controversy
Forgive, forgive
Say the ones that won't

Heaven forbid I wear tank tops and skinny jeans
And promote quality and equality
And respect privacy
this rivalry is never going to end 

So say I'm wrong
Give me my memories
Telling me what I saw expecting me to believe you

You gave me anxiety
you spoke every word for me
you thought every thought for me
you thought you did a lot for me
but you never fought for me 

and the hate is more real then the love you say feel

4 hours south of the city,

20 miles east of the county,

and 10 minutes south of the town.

Be careful in the house on the hill,

For 15 years i was consumed by its conspiracy.

Believing everything they said against my own free will.

I confronted them about their beliefs, they told me i'd been brainwashed.
I told them to back off, they told me i cant think straight.
I told them they didn't understand the situation,
They told me i lack skill and education.

They twist the words of those who contradict them,
To adapt to their own selfish convictions.
They deny they're actions when they bring dissatisfaction's,
Because they cant handle anyone else's counteraction.

I was a part of that prison for far too long

Drowning in their whirlpool of hatred, jealousy, and control.
They tried to teach me that democracy was evil.
They tried to tell me that Obama was the devil.
They tried to create my every single path.
They lost that battle when i became a democrat.

Stay away from the House on the hill.

It reeks of pride and discrimination, sketchy religion, and political stupidity.

If i could diagnose it, i would call it Stout Syndrome,

But the Authorities did well, calling it Narcissism.